the rng gods

[survivaltricks]

WHO: Akira and others!
WHERE: ALL OVER THE HOTEL
WHEN: late October, like a day or two after the Great Espresso Heist of 2023 (TM)
WHAT: the search for a cafe!
WARNINGS: WARNING: RNG HOTEL FLOORS AHEAD

[by now, everyone is probably aware of the broken espresso machine, which has yet to be replaced. for most people, this probably isn't an issue!1 but for Akira, Mr. Coffee-is-my-Blood. . .]

[. . . this morning, he can be found sprawled out next to the elevators on a random floor, face planted into the carpet and arms and legs sprawled akimbo at his sides. he is muttering something to himself]

. . . how hard is it. . . to find. . . a S████████ . . . in a hotel that has more floors than any building needs. . .

[LIGHT WHINING]

[anyway, he's being dramatic. help a guy out? maybe??? or make fun of his suffering? it is up to you!]

((LET US DO AN RNG FLOOR POST!!! comment and go on an adventure with Akira, I'll RNG which floor we go to for funsies! I may even make some up as I go, idk, I'm feelin' spicy. FEEL FREE ALSO TO THREADJUMP AND TAG EACH OTHER FOR MORE RNG FLOOR ADVENTURES, I ENCOURAGE IT!!))

Comments

[messianic]

[Listen.

I want a beach floor, but I've also wanted to do this since the start of this game so.

Akira is probably on the sand of the beach, bemoaning his fate, when there's... a yelp.

And a sploosh.

Seems the elevators on the other side of the "hall" of this floor dumped Minato right into the ocean.]

[survivaltricks]

[I'M. . . CAL. . .]

[it is the sound of that splash that rouses Akira from his woe, and he sits up rather abruptly, ignoring the sand caked on his glasses]

[. . . he pushes himself up and meanders towards the sound of the yelp, only to find a poor unsuspecting victim dunked in the ocean water]

[. . .]

That's very poor interior design.

[messianic]

[Minato splashes his way back up to the surface, coughing a little, and then begins to make his way to proper ground.

Ughhhhh....]

[survivaltricks]

[. . . extends a (sand-covered) hand to help]

Sooooo. . . how's the water?

[venomnom]

[For the second time, she finds herself leaning over him. Again, Akira?]

You don't sound so sleepy this time.

[Just weary. It's debatable which is worse.]

[survivaltricks]

[LISTEN. . . SOMEONE BROKE THE ESPRESSO MACHINE :(]

[rolls over onto his back and stares up at her with a blank expression, made especially difficult to read due to the sand caked across his glasses]

I'm not sleepy, but I do have a killer headache.

[venomnom]

[Boy, your glasses.]

What for?

[She does not know what a S████████ is.]

[survivaltricks]

Caffeine withdrawal.

[. . . pushing himself up, shaking sand out of his curly locks]

[venomnom]

[She pulls back to give him space, realization dawning.]

Is this about the missing espresso machine?

[survivaltricks]

[grumble grouch]

This place is supposed to have a ton of cafes. . . why can't I find any of them?

[unliminal]

[ Oh, hey, isn't that the kid he scared the bejeezus out of the other day? The one that was pretty broken up about...the espresso machine...

And still is, apparently.

Approaching, he just. Nudges one toe of his shoe gently against Akira's shoulder. ]

Hey. Chin up. [ ... ] Or I'll take your picture and share it in the server.

[ Blackmailing a child???? ]

[survivaltricks]

[he rocks gently to the side with the nudge, but otherwise doesn't move. he is DEAD. the lack of caffeine coursing through his veins has KILLED HIM]

[j/k he's being dramatic]

. . . that kind of threat only works on men who have something to live for.

[AKIRA PLEASE]

[unliminal]

[ Rest in pepperonis...

But okay, noted, he is definitely pulling out his phone to snap some pictures of Akira face down on the ground. Damn, he really do be looking pathetic down there. ]

Hm. That's a shame...'cause I might know a place that has killer espresso.

[survivaltricks]

[what are u gonna do with that picture, Gojo!1]

[anyway, Akira bolts upright]

Is the information free?

[unliminal]

[ Post it to the network and let all the Ye Oldes use Vicious Mockery unabated. ]

Eh? Sure. What do you take me for?! There's a cafe I found during the ninja attack a couple weeks back.

[airdnd]

[ let's make sumina go on an rng adventure bc she needs to not be such a nerd!!

Even if her first instinct when she sees a fellow guest in a prone position out in the wild is, of course, to go into concerned innkeeper mode. ]

S—Sir!? Are you all right? Do you require medical assistance?

[survivaltricks]

[hell yeah rng adventures!!]

[. . . anyway. in response to her question, he lifts a hand to give her a thumbs up. he is not THAT far gone]

If by "medical assistance" you mean. . . you have a coffee IV.

[he's so stupid]

[airdnd]

[ Oh. Okay. He's not bleeding out or anything. But still... she tilts her head. ]

Coffee... ivy...?

[survivaltricks]

[. . . ah. he pushes himself upright, giving his head a small shake]

Nothing important. I'm not injured or sick, though. Just. . . deprived.

[airdnd]

Deprived... Oh.

[ The most sympathetic look. ]

The espresso, right? Minato mentioned that you were taking it quite hard. We ought to get you to one of the cafes.

[icyspicy]

[ Gently prods Akira with the toe of his boot. ]

You're not dying are you?

[survivaltricks]

[rocks to the side with the nudge, but otherwise doesn't get up]

I might be.

Slowly. Painfully. Torturously.

[he's fine]

[icyspicy]

Uh-huh. Is this about the espresso machine?

[ Dramatic much?? ]

[survivaltricks]

. . . maybe. . .

[flops onto his back, staring up at Winter with a blank expression]

Look what you've made me do.

[cue taylor swift--]

[icyspicy]

What, lie down on the floor? I'm fairly sure you did that to yourself.

[ But he will offer him a hand up. ]